I've been thinking a lot lately. I quit my waitressing job almost a month ago and I've been trying to build up some freelance stuff while I'm still working at my retail job. That sounds like a lot of working...and it is. But I don't really feel like I'm working. Let me explain -- I think I should start at the beginning. For those of you that have been reading since I started this blog a few months back, y'all know that my aunt died and my cousin went to live with my parents. Keep in mind that I'm in my late-20's and I'm the baby of the family, so my parents haven't had a teenager in their house in over a decade. Since they're a little out of practice (and retirement age...) I've been helping out as much as I can. So when they went on vacation in August I was more than happy to stay with my cousin as she came back from band camp and started her senior year in school. When I went to pick her up from band camp I realized that two of the instructors were in band with me in high school and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to hang out with some old friends and sort of re-live the good ol' times. The colorguard instructor now is actually a transplant from another section in the band; my senior year was Melvin's freshman year and he marched brass back then. After that season he confided in me and my co-captain, Arin, that he really wanted to be on colorguard. What can I say? We were that awesome! So Arin and I taught him everything we knew and, sure enough, he made it on the colorguard that next year. Which was quite a feat; when I auditioned for the colorguard my sophomore year, I got the sixth, and final, spot out of 100 people that auditioned. Trust me, band was cutthroat back in my day.
Fast-forward to ten years later and we're being reunited at band camp and he's the instructor. You can't see it, but I'm still beaming like a proud momma! Anyway, since I was going to be in town for 2 weeks, most of which my cousin was going to be in school and at band practice anyway, I needed to find something to do...so I asked if I could come to practice and observe once or twice. To say that I was honored that he would ask me to come help out with his colorguard would be an understatement! I haven't been on a guard since college band (my last year in college band was 2010 -- I was the only graduate student in band and I quickly realized why...it is just too hard to try to juggle all of that plus school plus a job plus any farce of a social life). But spinning a flag is kinda like riding a bike...you never really forget how to do it; it just sort of becomes a part of you -- only I never realized what a huge part of me it is. So I've been driving back and forth (two states away, mind you) for the past month and a half to help out with our guard. Melvin insists that it is our guard and not his guard anymore since Arin and I have started coming to help. And I kind of like that. It's been a while since I've been a part of a guard, and even longer since I've been in a position of leadership where I felt comfortable calling one my guard. And I'm realizing very quickly that he's right. It is our guard and they are our girls.
I haven't felt this alive in a long time and I know it's because I haven't been true to myself about what I want from life. I want to make a difference and I want to make life beautiful; I want to be passionate about what I do. I don't want to work...I want to live out my dreams and my passions every day! I want to help others find their passion! Life has no meaning without passion and being stuck at the restaurant I was at for the last two and a half years had simply sucked the life out of me -- I mean, I was always at work (even on my days off) and if I asked for time off to go pursue something that interested me, something that I was passionate about, I was quickly dismissed and was stuck working anyway. So I'm glad I gave up that job, and that life, for the uncertainty that I'm quickly finding so comforting in my future. I don't know where I'll be ten years from now...hell, I don't even know where I'll be ten days from now, but I do know that as long as I stay true to myself and live my passion, I can't go wrong. Life has new meaning for me, and I encourage each and every one of you to throw caution to the wind, find your passion, and live it! You don't have to quit your job or completely change your life or do something drastic like I did...I'm in a place where I could afford to throw that much caution to the wind without stressing about it. What I mean is that at some point in your life you're going to look back on your accomplishments and what you did with your life. Don't you think you owe it to yourself to at least have one hell of a ride?
